about their bodies and appropriate touching?
I was listening to the radio the other day. The topic of discussion was about kids and touching, warning them about appropriate touching and strangers. The radio host was accepting calls from his listeners asking them to tell their experiences and the one question he asks each caller is "At what age did you tell your kids about appropriate touching?" and to callers without kids, "when is the appropriate age to talk to kids about appropriate touching?" One woman who has children said six. The radio host didn't agree with that, he said that was too late. I agreed with him!
I've talked to each of my children about appropriate touching since they were three. Once their vocabulary was more than saying "daddy" and "mommy" and once they understood right from wrong within their little capacity for their age, we identified their body parts, i.e, eyes, ears, nose, etc., and then when I got to their privates I told them that no one should touch them there, no one should make them feel bad and if someone said this is our secret "you tell them mommy said no secrets' and you come and tell mommy!
As children you don't want to overwhelm them, but they have to be aware of themselves and the danger out there. As each of my children got older I would say this to them at different intervals, reminding them about good touch and bad touch, and even told them that no one, even their uncle or family friend should make them feel uncomfortable or have secrets.
When my kids got to a certain age, six years, as my daughter is now, I tell them not to sit on anyone's lap, and if anyone asks them to, to say "no, mommy said not to do that". No kisses on lips, no touching where they shouldn't be touched.
As my youngest gets older I've been teaching her and reminding her of sitting like a lady, because she would have the tendency to sit in a manner unconsciously without being aware of herself, even when wearing shorts. Whenever she wears skirts or dresses, she wears shorts because she plays outside with her friends and she rides a bike. Once I had to remind one of her playmates who was older than her, to not wear a skirt while riding or to wear shorts with her skirt. The reason was, she was exposed as she approached me on her bike and she had a short skirt on. There were boys all around and I gently told her that she should make sure she do that. She adjusted her skirt but made no effort to go change. I didn't think I was out of line to say that to her. I just wish some parents would be more attentive to their kids even if they were just outside playing with their friends!
I was searching the web and came up on the following "Dear Abby" article on findarticles.com, it was written in 2005 but is still so appropriate today:
Talk to child about appropriate touching
Deseret News (Salt Lake City), Jul 29, 2005 by Jeanne Phillips
Dear Abby: My 44-year-old brother-in-law, "Bryce," still lives at home. He has never dated, nor has he had any kind of adult relationship in his life. He is extremely affectionate toward children, especially males. He buys gifts for the neighborhood kids, and they all think the world of him. My in-laws say Bryce is just a big kid and harmless. I think his behavior is abnormal.
Last week, I came home early from work. When I came through the door, I surprised Bryce saying goodbye to my 10- year-old son. Bryce was rubbing his hands up and down my son's arms and saying, "Goodbye, sweetheart. I love you." When he saw me, Bryce immediately stopped. He seemed caught off-guard and embarrassed, and left quickly.
My husband was in another part of the house and didn't see or hear his brother and our son by the back door. I expressed my concern to my husband later, after our son had gone to bed. I told him I was uncomfortable about the idea of his brother being alone with our son. My husband dismissed the whole thing, saying Bryce is harmless. My gut tells me otherwise. What should I do? -- Worried Mom in New York
Dear Worried: Listen to your gut and talk to your child about what is appropriate behavior -- and "touch" -- and what isn't. Sometimes children who have been molested keep it a secret because they feel they are responsible for it and are afraid they'll be punished.
Tell your son that no matter what, he can always come to you and tell you anything because you love him and you're on his side. Let him know that if he has any questions about anything, you will make the time to hear them and answer them honestly. Repeat that message often. It's one way to protect your child, and will reap many dividends.
The link to that webpage is http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4188/is_20050729/ai_n14830903
It is always a good thing to make your children aware of situations like that. I had a similar circumstance with a in-law when my oldest daughter was younger. I had a gut feeling about him and I always told my daughter what is appropriate and what is not. The one thing he always wanted her to do was to sit on his lap, when she was two that might have been OK, but not when she was seven. He kept wanting to touch her arm, pinch her and stuff like that. He wanted her to kiss him, and give her squeeze hugs. I had to put a stop to it. You can never be too wrong about things like that. And making your children aware of situations that can happen though no fault of their own, is what every parent should do!
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