Life as I Know It; Family; Lifestyle; and Healthy Living!

By now you have all heard what might have happened to Rihanna, I say "might have", because it is still not confirmed that it is her, but everyone has already put two and two together, she has canceled her appearances and went home to Barbados, plus friends of the two have come forward to say there were problems previously and even talked of Chris Brown having a 'dark side'.

I heard (listening to gossip now) that it all started because she found out he was cheating on her, in confronting him, she hit him in the face, and he retaliated!  Hearing how messed up she was, that was a brutal retaliation!

It makes me wonder why do men hit women? Why do they have to be so disgustingly horrible? Most of the times, the men are usually bigger and stronger than their spouse or girlfriend, and even if the female is as tall or as big as the guy, he will still overpower her with brute strength.

It is true that there are some men that are also abused by women, some women love to hit and get physical, but a lot of times, it is the woman who is often at the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.

I aked my oldest daughter, Jessica, how does her boyfriend behave when they argue?  She reassured me that he doesn't hit her.  I told her that I wasn't being nosy but I just wanted her to be aware of this type of behaviour in men.  We had this conversation before this news about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Especially since I am aware that in some teen relationship, there is sometimes abuse going on without anyone knowing about it, until it is too late.

I also told her that abuse was not just physical, it was also verbal.  And if she ever felt afraid, to not stay in a relationship like that.

I grew up in a neighborhood where I watched some of the women around me being abused by the men they love and as a child I've always wondered why do they stay with these men? Why do they not just leave?  I realise that for these women, leaving is not that easy, and some just don't know how to do it, or where to go if they do leave. This is always the advantage the men have over these women.  And some would even go after these women and hurt them when they do leave! 

There are often times when things happen in a relationship, the two people who profess to love each other more than life itself will do and say things to hurt each other.  They do this out of anger.  My husband grabbed me rather forcefully once, very early in our relationship, we did argue a lot, and during one of these arguments he grabbed my arm to make a point, he did it out of anger, and it hurt enough to bring tears to my eyes.  I told him if he ever did that again, that was it for us.  Up to this day, he doesn't remember doing it, but I do. 

It is a given that people will argue, disagree, even get physical to each other, but when it becomes an everyday occurrence, when it gets out of control, then something is wrong and it is time to try to fix the problems, with the help of a counselor or pastor, or someone else, if it is worth it, or move on. 

Yes, it is difficult to do, to make a decision especially when there is so much invested in the one you love, or especially when there are children involved, but the decision has to be made whether your life, or your health or your kids wellbeing, is worth your being abused.


Comments
on Feb 14, 2009

she hit him in the face, and he retaliated!

 

Violence begets violence.  I don't see the confusion.

on Feb 14, 2009

I can understand his retaliation.  What I don't understand is the severity of it.  It is reported he fist her in the face a couple of times, and busted up her mouth, he also left her unconscious by the time he was done. That was brutally uncalled for! A guy getting slapped by a woman can either, slap back out of reflex, and warn her off, or warn her off without responding in kind. 

on Feb 14, 2009

I'm confused.  You asked why men hit women.  Well, you provided your own answer: She hit him first.

It's not a good idea to hit someone a lot bigger and stronger than you.

The question could be rephrased "Why do women expect to be able to hit men and not be hit back?"

on Feb 15, 2009

Actually, the question should be why do women hit men knowing they are bigger most of the time?

on Feb 15, 2009

I'm confused. You asked why men hit women. Well, you provided your own answer: She hit him first.
It's not a good idea to hit someone a lot bigger and stronger than you.
The question could be rephrased "Why do women expect to be able to hit men and not be hit back?"

Using Chris Brown and Rihanna was an anology of how things can happen, perhaps the wrong anology is used, but being at the forefront of people's mind of recent events. 

The title remains because it is a valid question with no confusion.

Actually, the question should be why do women hit men knowing they are bigger most of the time?

Maybe you can tell me more about that Charles?  You're so quick to chirp in and try to be smarmy about it, you might have a lot to say on this topic?

on Feb 15, 2009

In my opinion it's a matter of frustration accompanied by a lack of sufficient maturity to deal with that frustration.

While it’s easy to say she hit him first, it’s very unlikely that it’s anything near the same. My wife hits me on occasion however as likely or not she’ll hurt herself more than me because she’s not able to keep her wrist from folding back on itself for a proper punch. Also it’s really not a credible threat and except for the rarest of circumstances I doubt there are many men that really feel physically threatened by a woman. It certainly is possible to simply react out of reflex but this in itself is evidence of a lack of maturity.

The funny thing is that when my wife hits me it’s usually because I’ve been ignoring her and what she really wants is for me to pay attention to her and “be nice” to her. If you think about this the logic is really quite strange. The idea that the best way to get me to be nice to her is to hit me is very counter intuitive except for the fact that given that I know this and generally respond to it by paying attention and “being nice” to her it apparently works well for her.

I actually just find it so funny that it’s hard for me to be mad at her, however when I was younger this probably would have simply pissed me off. After all, why should I have to play some kind of game, wouldn’t it be easier to simply say what it is you really want than to go through some kind of charade?

As the French would say “viva la difference” and most of the differences between men and women are precisely what it is that attracts the other, however some of the differences can be downright annoying.

Generally women’s verbal skill far exceeds that of most men; after all they have not only survived but thrived throughout history while being theoretically inferior to men because of their ability to manipulate along with the fact that they hold the key to the magic lock box.

While I’m not at all condoning violence against women and while you’re always going to be wrong whenever you generalize, I suspect that men that are susceptible to this don’t simply go off into violence for no apparent reason and that it’s very likely that the woman knew precisely which buttons to push and had no compunction about pushing them.

There’s an old joke that goes, what do 1 million battered women have in common? The answer, they still don’t bleeping listen.

I suppose most of this will be taken out of context and someone will say that I’m somehow defending abusive men. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is nothing that someone can say or do verbally that justifies physical abuse.

However I do have a question in response to the one asked in the OP, what makes many women think that they have the right to boss their men around?

on Feb 15, 2009

you might have a lot to say on this topic?

For a moment there I thought you were suggesting I hit women.

Let me give you a clue. Your article started off wrong by assuming all men hit women since you never said "Why do some men hit women?", second, more often than not I ask myself why are some women dumb enough to strike men first knowing there is always that chance the man will strike back and in most cases these men are bigger and stronger. As draginol said:

It's not a good idea to hit someone a lot bigger and stronger than you.

We live in a society where men can't even give women a compliment without one of them dropping some kind of lawsuit on them. And because of these lawsuits, many women have this notion that they can insult, abuse and push men around and the posibility of jail will keep them in check but the reality is that more often than not men (if you can call him a man) like Vhris Brown won't give to hoots about the law.

I say smack, lock up, punch, schold every man that physically and mentally abuses any women for no reason. But if you hit first, don't complain about getting hit back. Though, like you, I don't see why any man would have to take the beating to an extreme and less you are married to Zena Warrior Princess or China from the WWE.

on Feb 16, 2009

Mumble you're right, nothing justifies physical abuse, well said!

 

Charles you've been meeting the wrong women, obciously from what you write. 

on Feb 17, 2009

Charles you've been meeting the wrong women, obciously from what you write.

Probably, doesn't negate what I said though.

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