Sometimes I feel like a Fraud. Fraud is perhaps not the right word to use as it implies that I’m a liar, or a fake or something negative.
It’s just that I present this air of calm and peacefulness most of the time. As if all is well in my world when it’s really not.
Most of what I deem as “my problems” is really not as catastrophic as I tend to think they are. Not compared to other people’s problems anyway. Mine are perhaps simpler, but they are mine and they do tend to make me worry. And I try to remind myself not to worry so much.
Although to me, my problems are mountains that I can’t seem to climb. It’s like there’s that Star that is hanging quite low, it looks like I’m grasping it and yet I can’t grasp it no matter how hard I try, no matter how many ladders I climb to reach it I cannot. Sometimes it might seem like I’m going to grab a hold of it, then suddenly there’s a big bump and off the ladder I go and once again I have to start from scratch!
So getting back to why I feel like a a fraud sometimes…it’s just that sometimes I feel like my life is so chaotic and it’s barreling out of control. Like a runaway train, nothing can stop it.
So to me it’s all topsy-turvy, and I’m making no sense to you right now, I know. I’m sorry – I’m just in a chaotic state of mind.
But yes, I am a calm and peaceful person. I exude the air of someone with quiet authority. Maybe that’s why some things fall into my lap so often. I don’t know.
I know I’m still not making any sense to you but at any rate this rambling is somewhat calming for me.
This is when I turn to that source of higher power. The Spirit within that calms me and let’s me think more rationally.
I go through every nuance of that which bothers me and I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Then the storm of confusion that rages inside is quiet.
There’s peace, an everlasting moment of stillness, and I breathe, in that infinite moment.
Serenity is thy name, be one with thyself.
Thanks for reading with me.