I gave God an ultimatum

Journeys of Faith

Published on June 29, 2006 By foreverserenity In Religion

I was at a crossroads recently, wondering if it makes sense believing what I do, believing in whom I do. My faith has never steered me wrong. But there were times when I wondered about that which I believe in. I know there are people out there who don’t believe in the God that I do. Who perhaps after serving him for a while begins to question themselves and that which they believe, and so they turn their energy to something else. Whether it’s to worshipping and serving another form of God or just not believe anymore and thus become a non-believer, of no faith, no religion.

I read with interest Simon’s blog about his conversion Link, I didn’t give a response since the discussion died, but I found it quite interesting. His experiences and what made him change to practice what he does now, I’m not sure if Magik is a religion or not? [both Islandgurl and Tova really asked some interesting questions which were so on point].

I wondered to myself if his leaving the Christian faith was due to the lack of response he got from God.

Something he mentioned stood out in my mind a lot and I found myself going over it again, and again. He said that this thing that Christians do, they’re always asking for things, they cry, and beseech to the Lord asking for what they need.

Upon reflection, we do this very thing and I wonder why that is?! I remember making a statement in responding to someone once on another religious/philosophical article they had written that all this crying and beseeching was perhaps due to the emotions that we feel. When you pray and you begin to feel the presence of the Lord, you feel overwhelmed and overcome with a feeling that makes you weep with it’s intensity. That’s the only explanation that I have for that. I guess it’s something that most Christians do.

Being at this crossroad, I’ve lately began to question myself about whether my faith, what I believe in is just not what it should be. You see there are times that I go through certain things, obstacles that affect my life and I pray and leave it to the Lord to handle. This always made me feel better and I would have faith that he would take care of it because he never let me down.

But I've been thinking negatively lately, asking myself if God is hearing me. Why? Because my life seemed to be going in circles. I kept experiencing the same things, having the same outcome no matter what I do to change it. So when I read Simon’s blog it got me thinking maybe he’s right, maybe putting all my hope in my Christian beliefs is a waste of time. (he didn’t say it was, but that’s my interpretation, at least what I thought I wanted to ‘hear’). So my response was not one of positivity, it was one of negativity towards myself, towards my faith.

I actually gave God an ultimatum. Me, little old me! I said, (and I have these conversations all the time too!) “You know Lord, there are other people out there who are in worse positions that me, going through much more, but I’m important too. Why do things have to be the way they are for me all of the time? I’m just so tired of trying to solve everyone’s problems, trying to solve my own. I’m so tired Lord I am not doing this anymore. I’m not going to ask for anything because it seems that I’m being ignored and maybe I complain too much so you don’t hear my prayers anymore”. I said, “Lord I love you but I just can’t do it anymore, I just can’t be the shoulder of everyone’s life, of my own, because I’m worn out. I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m done”.

So I went about my day, feeling like a load of dog poo. Everything that I encountered that day was negative, in my mind it was. I just looked for every negative thing I could find and moan about it. I felt like a big ole fat turd; in more ways than one!

But one thing was happening that my mind in it’s negative state did not comprehend. Little things I was experiencing, small dose of positivity, despite how I was feeling, despite what my mindset was.

I was on the road a lot because of errands I had to do, there were crazy drivers around me and twice I almost got run over by someone in their big vehicle. It’s a good thing I was alert while driving and so prevented an accident. One of them was a woman on her cell phone, who switched to my lane right in front of me without warning while trying to swing her big vehicle with one hand! I was in the right turning lane; she was supposed to be going straight! Good grief!

I got a great deal on my grocery shopping, instead of spending $150 like I usually do to get everything I want, I spent $87! I was able to help my brother out when he called on me for some help!

I thought someone had gotten into my account and went into panic mode, but upon more detailed inspection, there was a mistaken calculation because of something the bank did, that I didn’t notice, boy was I frantic!

Then I realized you know it’s not that he doesn’t hear me, he has been doing small things, he has been making my life better but I’ve been too negative to notice them. Then I realized that I’ve got to get out of this mode of negativity. Start being positive again! What made me realized this was watching Joel Osteen on the telivision that Sunday morning and it's like he was talking to me! (the man's always saying something that's so relevant it's amazing!) So sometimes things don’t work out the way I want them to, so everyone is having problems in their lives. I might not always be able to help all of the time but I can still be there, to support and encourage both myself and that person.

I asked the Lord to forgive me and I thanked him for the blessings I had in my life.

There are people in my life who are constantly at odds with their circumstances and they call on me. They know they have someone who can encourage and support them and make them look at things differently and even try a new way to do something. At the end of each conversation both of us ‘walk’ away feeling better. That’s a gift I have that I shouldn’t take too lightly. Even when I can’t do anything to help them financially most of the time I can at least show them another outlook or encourage them to find other solutions. Because like me, sometimes all they are seeing is the negativity and not noticing any positive outcome because they are feeling too overwhelmed. I thank God that I have that gift.

I thank God for my family because we are all healthy. No one is sick and bedridden. My kids might not get everything they want all of the time, but they are fed and clothed and they are basically happy. And come to think about it, they might have to wait for what they ask for but they get it eventually!

So you see, I told myself, the Lord is not ignoring you. He’s always there, lifting you up, walking in your footsteps you just didn’t notice! Thank you Lord!

Someone reading this who doesn’t believe may just say to themselves, geech another freaking Christian whining again! Or another blog about nothing, wasting my time. That’s ok, I’m not mad if you think that.

There might be someone out there who needs to see this and yes, I believe in someone being helped through me writing this. Although I don’t like to unload on others I wanted to share this.

You see the Christian faith is not perceived as the greatest or the best religion. Especially when there are so many denominations of this one faith, each with their own rules and interpretation. Some people who are Christians can be such fanatics, (I believe this is true of anything, there are always the few who will be extreme in their thinking) so warped in their thinking and behaviors; they turn others off from Christ. They don’t easily accept others into their fold, which is not God’s way, it’s their way. I won’t go into all that others say they have experienced because of a church and so that’s why they don’t believe, even if they once did.

Sometimes it’s not who or why, sometimes it’s up to you the individual to make your experience that which you want. Allowing others to dictate their way of being to you, just because it’s supposed to be that way is sometimes unavoidable. But you don’t have to let them change who you are. You don’t have to let them make you not believe.

It is a good thing to have experiences that will make you look at yourself and your life as if you’re seeing yourself for the first time. It is good to have experiences that make you question your faith. These experiences help you to grow into who you are. You might end up stronger or you might end up with a mental crutch, forever needing someone else’s vision in order to see your own.

Sometimes you just need to be more proactive in your own life. Not sitting and waiting for things to come to you or magically appear in your lap. You have to go after it, seek it out, do something that will change your life, your mindset.

My mom always told me, “The Lord help those who help themselves”. This is so true. Because he’s not going to just hand you what you want from your life. You have to do things yourself. How else will you benefit from it? God won’t let the bad things happen to you deliberately, but he’ll be there to carry you through the experiences, he’ll walk in your footsteps!

Changing your mindset would be a great way to begin. That’s what I’m doing and I’m feeling better for it!

Comments (Page 2)

EmperorofIceCream

on Aug 12, 2006

To: KFC

More than anything he wants us to communicate with Him and he's more than willing to show himself to us.

Jesus, perhaps. God? I'm not so sure. To meet God unveiled is to die, as the prophets including Moses testify. And 'Jesus Christ', being a fiction, is no veil; neither is Jesus the god-form, being a human creation. As the Bible testifies, all things human are to pass away at the Last Judgment, before the appearance of the new heavens and earth.

Be careful what you wish for, KFC. You might just get it.

Gideon MacLeish

on Aug 12, 2006

The old saying God helps only those that help themselves applies.

That is NOT found ANYWHERE in scripture, foxjazz.

Gideon MacLeish

on Aug 12, 2006

The bible does say the Lord gives every bird it's seed, though, but he sure doesn't throw it in the nest, hehe.

Who wants birdseed anyhoo? I'd settle for onions that don't cost me 70 stinking cents a pound, or taters that don't cost me 35 stinking cents a pound!

foreverserenity

on Aug 13, 2006

#13 by Foxjazz
Sat, August 12, 2006 01:32 AM

Fox, you need a lot of luck too by the sound of it. I hope you'll be able to find what you seek. All you have to do is call on Him. Thou dost protest too much.

BTW, I'm not ashamed to be forever conflicted. I'm not afraid or ashamed to be me.

#14 by EmperorofIceCream
Sat, August 12, 2006 04:47 AM

Simon, thanks for enlightenment. I appreciate you taking the time to explain more to me. You know, I always learn somethng from you. I appreciate that!

"the fool hath said in his heart that there is no God."

Great response!

To meet God unveiled is to die, as the prophets including Moses testify.

That much I know to be true too.

Gid:

The old saying God helps only those that help themselves applies.

That is NOT found ANYWHERE in scripture, foxjazz.

Whip:

That is NOT found ANYWHERE in scripture, foxjazz.

that's true.

I'm glad someone who knows more than I do can contradict him.

The bible does say the Lord gives every bird it's seed, though, but he sure doesn't throw it in the nest, hehe.

This is true Whip. He gives us the talent, we have to use them wisely!

I'd settle for onions that don't cost me 70 stinking cents a pound, or taters that don't cost me 35 stinking cents a pound!

Those basic foods have gone up haven't they! I can't believe the prices I'm seeing this summer!

Hehe, i scored a 5lb cantalope today for $1.50.

Nice!

~refuses to worry about radiation as long as that sweet juice is drippin down her chin, and saves the seeds

Haha, enjoy it Whip, you scored quite a deal there!

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