the day the earth stood still for me
I woke up crying, I couldn’t help myself. I was hoping that today wouldn’t affect me, I planned on not even thinking too much about this day but it’s difficult not to.
I knew that once I saw and hear the events on television all over again that it would bring me back to that day. I told myself that I won’t write about it, because after all nothing happened to me that day, I didn’t lose anyone, at least I don’t know for sure.
But when I look back, it did affect me as it has so many other people in our country and all over the world. It was like the day the earth stood still for me and I cannot forget.
The day the earth stood still for me, I was 8 months pregnant and waddling out of the subway that fateful day. What do I see that made me thought to myself what the fuck is going on? There in front of me stood the tower I’m so used to seeing in all its glory with an airplane sticking through it in flames. I look at the other people around me and we all stood there helpless crying out.
Then when the other plane made a beeline straight for the next one, that’s when we all started screaming in horror. I quickly walked to my office fighting my way through the crowd gathering and looking on in horror. Some crying in shock, some too scared to do anything but stare at the horror happening before them.
I had people coming up to me asking if I was alright. We stood in horror and watched as we saw from the distance we were (near enough to see but far enough away to not be directly impacted physically) to see people jumping through windows, as high up as they were. I couldn’t stay to watch, I had to go inside.
I went inside to call my family to let them know I was alright but the phone lines were all dead. Now I know they would be wondering and worrying because my train had to pass right below the WTC but it had just made it through before all the chaos began.
I spent the day nursing and nurturing people, bringing them inside giving them coffee, water, anything they needed to comfort them. People who had managed to get away, with dust and smoke all over their clothing. My coworker decided he was going to go to the hospital to help out. All I could do was stay where I was until it was safe for me to go home.
Getting home was quite an event in itself. I’ll never forget it. I got home safely into the arms of my family who were relieved to see me and all we could do was cry and hug each other.
I still remember the stench of the dead, weeks after. It was hard not to smell it. My train had to go by there and it was hard not to.
I hear people say to others all the time “get over it” or “time to get over yourself” when they hear or see someone mourning a loss. Whether that be a loss of life of a loved one, friend, now even almost of our freedom. Some people can’t bear to see others cry. It makes them too vulnerable. They’re not as big bad as they think they are.
These people, they say well it’s been so many months or so many years, why do you keep crying about it; or why do you still get upset; or why can’t you get over it? They say this to people who have lost someone or something. It is not right to do that.
It’s not right because every individual handles grief and shock in different ways. Some people are able to process things and quickly move on. Some are not. And so I respectfully ask those who like to say it out loud or not, to allow the person who is grieving to do so.
I said I don’t know if anyone I knew died that day because I used to work in Tower 1 for a couple of years and I still had three good friends there. I have not been able to find out if two of them survived up to this day. There were other people whom I knew too. The third friend I had there I managed to bump into on the subway almost six months later and we hugged and laughed because we were happy to see each other.
I don’t tell this story to have pats on the back or notoriety or anything like that. I write about it because it’s hard not to forget, and I felt like writing about it, I don’t know.
But I woke up crying and emotional and my day wasn’t going too well and I was reacting in a stressful manner to my children and I had to calm myself down. So when I go home later I will apologize to them for over reacting with them for everything that seemingly went wrong at home earlier today.
So I’m calm now and I remember and I’ll never forget.
“So stop. Go mindless. Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure”. Quote from Oprah Winfrey, October 2002 Issue, “O” magazine.