Why it's sometimes not easy to forget I'm black
I’m going to talk about something that probably will make some of you, your initial response will probably be, “oh not that again” or you’ll probably not bother to read because you’re heard it all before. That’s OK.
I write this for those of you who keep asking the question, why some people can’t get over themselves and stop crying racism as often as some do. Granted, there are those people ‘out there’ (‘Society’) who do use the word ‘racism’ no matter what happens or is happening and it is sometimes unfair and very biased against the person they are aiming it at. While we all know that there is Black on White racism, this will never go away, as long as there is still White on Black racism in our world.
Because of this (White on Black racism), many Blacks feel ‘that’ is their justification for their own racist behaviors, and for feeling the way they do. Many are disillusioned and will continue to be so inclined because at the end of the day, it can’t be helped to continue to feel as if you’re hitting your head against a wall of stereotypical beliefs and there is absolutely nothing you can do about that!
I like to observe people, it gives me an insight into how they are and what I think they are all about. It’s probably not a very fair way of assessing someone, but since some of the times I never get a chance to get to know who the person is and using my instincts, is the only thing I can go by.
There are three types of behaviors that I have observed at different times throughout my life.
There are those who will be as friendly and gracious as possible, falling all over themselves to be nice and kind and giving and everything that they can do to make you feel comfortable, and sometimes ending up making you not feel very comfortable (and embarrassed) but you know their heart is in the right place and so you accept them for who they are, because this is who they are, and you’re grateful for people like this because you can still be yourself and not worry about being different and when you get to know each other, you happen to have the same interests, motivations, and sense of comradeship and it’s all good.
There are the types whose behaviors makes you wonder, either something is wrong with you, or something is wrong with them! Any initial attempts at making friends, reaching out, is not accepted, yet the person will observe your every move, stare at you as if you’re an alien and if you try to make contact ignore you and pretend not to notice the attempts you make. At one stage you will be able to have passing “Hellos’, perhaps brief conversations, if you’re so lucky, but only momentarily. Then it’s back to the same game of watching and staring and pretending you’re not there if they get caught observing. It’s uncomfortable to say the least and I don’t understand it!
Then there are those who are quite aware of how they are and are quite deliberate in their actions and don’t really care one way or the other how they look or how the situation looks because it’s not a problem for them anyway so why should they care if what they are doing or how they are behaving makes the other person feel, well, less than human.
These people are usually adept at playing the game of pretence (they make quite a big show when everyone they think is important is around), a show of being enlightened, but they are really full of crap. They don’t know you and will never do because you are not one of them. They are the kinds that like to keep their apples with apples and oranges and bananas in separate baskets.
I remember a certain time when I worked at this place and the group of assistants were all White, then came me. They had a regular lunch date as a group, and upon me being a part of their group, mentioned it in passing and they would let me know when the next one is. That date never came.
Eventually, I became very friendly with two of them; we had our own lunch dates, but the group as a whole (with me included) never went out together, I accepted that for what it was. You can’t make everyone like you and if I had sat and worried about it, which would have made me a raging lunatic, so I didn’t. As my grandma would say, “Come see, come saw” meaning you accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can.
I guess it would be fair to say that perhaps some people don’t do it deliberately, so my attitude is, and always will be, that some peoples behaviors are not set in stone, in that I’m willing to keep giving that person a chance to prove me wrong, not because they have to, but because at the end of the day, we’re all one kind, human.
Those of you, who know me, know that I’m not one to use the color of my skin as an excuse (not the right word, but I can’t think of the right one at the moment!), that it isn’t the essence of who I am. But sometimes its difficult living in today’s world without being reminded that you are not.
Some people will behave differently because perhaps they don’t know anyone who is not like them, have never been around someone else who is different than they are and so they don’t really know how to handle themselves or how to behave so as to not make the other person feel like a leper or something. Some people uses what they hear, stereotypical hearsays to make their impressions of you and they go no further and they don’t get to know you the individual and that puts you at a certain disadvantage.
I don’t go around claiming to be something I’m not, or someone else for that matter, and I have to say that there are still moments of naivety even at my age that makes me wonder.
Whenever I meet someone, my initial reaction is to be friendly, because that’s who I am. Sometimes I might reach out; given the vibes I get from them. They accept my invitation to deepen the friendship or they keep me at arms length, that’s ok with me if they choose the latter, at least I know where I stand.
I don’t have to be everyone’s friends and it’s not my intention to become everyone’s friend. In an environment where you’re thrust together everyday, sometimes it’s difficult to avoid those who you know don’t care to be around you. Such is life!
If you’re still reading with me, this has turned into one of those long-ass articles! My point in writing this is because lately, I’ve realized that there are still some people who are uncomfortable around me and there’s nothing I can do about that. Because no matter how much I reach out, they take two steps backward. I won’t be the confidant, or the buddy who’s only an IM away or the person whose help will be accepted when it’s offered.
So I’ll keep my distance and continue to do what I do because life is too short to worry about things like that.
Come see, come saw!
[Now that’s off my chest, back to my regularly scheduled postings!]