Sometimes I feel like I’m at odds with my oldest child. My first born and still the love of my life! I think she forgets that sometimes and I have to remind her. She somehow gets lost in the shuffle of the care for her younger siblings and I know that isn’t easy for her. They happen to be more demanding than she was.
I’m trying to put myself in her place when I was her age when it comes to her attitude about some things. She’s not a bad kid; she’s sometimes misunderstood by me. I’m not perfect and there are things I expect her to know and to how to be. But I realize that she does things her own way and she’s an individual and that I should be more patient. I just don’t want her to make the mistakes I did and to have an even better life than I’ve been able to offer her, at least financially. Because we’re not life of the rich and famous. We’re working class with high esteem. We teach our children values and expect them to make something of their lives and most of all we want them to be happy.
There are some things I discovered and got angry about recently. I won’t go into them but I’ve had to put some restrictions on certain activities and had to reiterate what our values are. It’s not easy being a kid in this age of excess and materialistic goals. With friends whose parents give them everything and anything whenever they want, without even being there for them. The influence of peer interactions and the consequences that they don’t think about because they’re young and ‘this’ will never happen to them. Then they’re shock when it does! Duh!
So I’m trying to remember to be careful in my actions and to remind her how much she means to me. Because sometimes in trying to be the parent, I can become too wrapped up in how I think she should be and not giving her enough room to just be. Being a mom is hard work. Now I know what you were going through mom! I miss you!
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There was a time when I used to be very organized. Really on top of things, school outings, kept up with my correspondence, paid my bills on time, all of the time.
Nope, sometimes my house is messy. I don’t always brush my teeth before going to bed. I sometimes forget that I had to pay the electric bill tomorrow! Thank heavens for online services!
These days I’m not the uptight little bitch I used to be in that I allow myself to make mistakes and I don’t beat myself up! I’m still bitchy sometimes though, but I’m not a bitch! I spend more time with my children and I give them more of me, sometimes I don’t think they get enough, but I do the best that I can! I’m trying to carve time out for myself, and am succeeding with little bites!
I make plans but often times; they get waylaid by life moments! So I try to be more relaxed and I don’t make such a big fuss if my daughter spills the juice all over the carpet, or accidentally throw a dish too hard in the sink and break the dish and the glass, just because she’s trying to help mommy.
I let my hubby do his thing when he wants to, go hang with his friends, they do their guy stuff. You see there was a time I would be resentful and I would let him have it for staying out four hours, but I’ve come to realize that he works very hard and he deserves it.
I relish those times to either do my own thing or just vegetate in front of the TV, if the kids don’t drag me screaming to the play ground or something else!lol! [well, not really screaming in protest!]
I find that those times apart gives hubby and me even more moments of pleasurable together times…if you get my drift!
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