Frenzied pace, here comes the meltdown...
It's been a hectic time for me lately. Work, busy, homelife, busy. Time for me, I try to fit it in but it doesn't always happen. I've been focussing on meeting deadlines, working on several projects at work. Then there has been life at home with the kids. My teen daughter successfully joined her high school step team. She's really having fun and that's the important part. Boy, the energy - oh to be 15 again!
My son is still busy with his cartoon and artwork. He's becoming a really good artist. Now he's even creating his own trading cards and drawing cartoon characters. I have to look into how to chanel that into a successful career or something like that. He's really engrossed with it. I've also had to be on top of his homework assignments and reading to make sure he doesn't slip up. He's been making new friends, which is good but there are times when he's just too involved with his friends. Then I have to step in and tell him to give it a rest. He's not too big for a hug from mom though and that I treasure.
As for my three year old, she's been very busy. Life with her around is like a roller coaster. There are ups and downs and lots of twists or is that turns? she's officially potty trained - yea! She's now wearing panties, totally. Oh what a joy, no more pampers or pull-ups. She's even been adamant about using the toilet, no more potty for her. The next major thing is she's now officially weaned from the bottle - double yea! You don't know what a joy this is. These two things are such major milestone for us. I just thought we would never get there. Or at least, I knew we would, the question was, when? So, finally, she goes, "mommy, I'm a big girl now. Big girls wear panties. I no use potty no more, I use toilet." I go yes, yes you do. So I went to the store and bought a dozen pretty Dora and Hanes underwear for her. Never have been more proud. She always just had six pairs which were switch with diapers from time to time. As for the bottle, one day she misplaced the bottle and up to this day, we haven't found it. At first it was very difficult with her not having it as her comfort. For her the bottle was like a blanket for some kids. It wasn't doing much good for her teeth and it was always a fight to get it from her. Her dad was no help too cause he didn't like to hear her cry. Well, it's been seven weeks without the bottle and she's only using cups and a water bottle (which kinda replace the baby bottle, but that's ok) She really doesn't use it much, just holds on to it and sleeps.
Recently, while at home, I wanted to use the bathroom so badly. We were doing something together. So I said to her, "mommy needs to use the bathroom really bad. I'll be right back." She trooped along behind me, entered and closed the door while I rushed to the toilet. I said, "Sweetheart, are you sure you want to be here now, can I have a moment to myself?" "No mommy, I want to sit down", was her response. Just to show you, she's still so attached to me. And I'm not complaining.
Anyway, to get to the real reason I'm writing, in four days, I will have to board a plane to take my mom's cremains to our homeland. Unfortunately, I have to do this alone. The airfare is outrageous right now, even traveling from where I am - and that's another story to be discussed at another time. My siblings and other family members will meet me there and some still live there. So, that's at least good. I just wonder what it's going to be like traveling alone for the first time, since I was single. Wow, I just realized that. Since I've been married it was travelling with my husband and then as the kids came along, with each of them and then altogether as a family. So, I'm going to have change planes and wait 3 hours to board the next one. I know, I can carry books and magazines that I've been dying to peruse at leisure, and I will. But I'm just thinking to myself, what is that experience going to be like. Being by myself, traveling. And then when I get home, although I'll be with my siblings and extended family, I will worry about them how they're doing here. Will they fight, will they cooperate with each other? Will my husband pull his hair out? My son said, "mommy, what are we going to do without you?" So, I sat and had a talk with them on what they are supposed to do and what's expected of them. Let's hope they remember.
Then there's the feelings that will come upon me the moment I land at home. I know I'm going to be crying. I'm that emotional. Each time that I think about my mom, I get so emotional. The feelings are still so raw, so painful. I am glad she's no longer in pain, she was miserable. But I miss her terribly. Having not seen my siblings for three years, it's going to be quite an emotional event for us. The last time I saw them was on the death of my father. It makes me feel bad cause I was to have gone home to visit before this. Instead mom, traveled back and forth visiting while she was alive. Getting away for her was the best therapy and I used to just buy her tickets and she would come and spend time with us. Now, I won't have her around anymore.
In some way, I'm going to make sure we celebrate her life. Sure we're sad and we're going to be weeping. But I'm going to celebrate her life and I think that's a grand idea. I'm going to make sure that we honor her time while living, she deserves that much. So, as I rush about in a frenzied pace, trying to put things in order. I must remember to take deep breaths, and pray. Gosh, I'm going to miss blogging while I'm away, lol! Ah well, it's good to be able to do this.