Here I am, sitting here feeling like crap,
wondering when this feeling came upon me.
I've been swinging back and forth with these moods
feeling happy, contented...
then sad
All I want to do is cry
I've been holding out because I hate when I get like this.
It's so destructive to be this way
I want to rant and rage and scream.
I guess if I did I would feel a lot better.
I wish I was home and could beat my pillow to a pulp
and scream all my frustrations into it. But I’m at work so that won’t happen.
But then again, I can’t even do that if I was home because my baby is sick at home with dad,
and here I am. Mmm, I guess I can attribute part of my feelings to that. She’s home sick; I’m here, away from her. She’s been throwing up a bit and she’s feeling crappy too. All I could do for her is give her meds and try to make her feel better with hugs and kisses. But couldn’t do anything else.
I’ve also been thinking about my mom and dad a lot too. It’s harder now because it’s Christmas time and this time of the year was always the best with them. I can’t believe that it’s only been three years since my dad died, mom followed so quickly; four months and counting. I’m angry that she never stood a chance. It all happened too fast.
I’m losing steam quickly; don’t know anymore, thinking is too hard right now
Cannot compute
Cannot reason
I guess I’ll just allow myself to wallow and be thoughtless
‘til I get over this emotion…the blues