I feel like a bad mommy. Bad in the sense that I let my 3 year old down. Very, very bad. I'm not crying yet, but I'm really angry at myself. I finally got her to a dentist this morning. I knew it would not be good news because of the problems with her teeth, big problems. I knew this going in because we gave in to her too much when she wanted to have her bottle in bed. Yes, I said bottle in bed. So now you know what I'm talking about. She has what is commonly called "bottle mouth". I prayed that this wouldn't happen but it has.
She's our third child, 12 years apart from the oldest and 7 years apart from our second one. She's a beautiful girl, in every sense of the word. She's a very demanding child. More demanding than the other two are. I don't know what it is. I don't know if maybe I'm not giving her enough of my time, I believe I did and am, but we tend to give in to her demands just so that she would stop crying or doing whatever she's doing that becomes really unreasonable at time.
Don't get me wrong, she's not a terrible child, and we do discipline her when necessary. We don't believe in beating (someone blogged about that yesterday I think) but I have spanked her, that one-two slap that will make her stop what she's doing or that will let her know that she's done something really naughty and should not do it again. You know what, let me say I, because her dad really doesn't discipline her, I'm the disciplinarian with all of them. He steps in only when I throw my hands up and exit, yelling for him to take over when I feel I've reached my limits. And if he's not around to take over, I banish the child to his or her room and I go in the opposite direction until I cool off.
What I'm trying to say is, she likes to see how much she can get away with, and that's just a kid being a kid. It doesn’t take much for them to be happy. You just have to feed them and love them and give them the things they like to enjoy; playing with them, spending time together, toys, candy, whatever their little hearts desire. And there's a time to say no, or to pull the string a little tighter when they're being unreasonable with their demands or when they're totally out of control. To be their guide and show them right from wrong because that's what we're there for.
Anyway, to get back to what caused her to have problems with her mouth. As a baby, I took the necessary time off work for maternity leave, even took an extra month without pay (I did that with all three). As she got older I realized one thing with her, she always likes to drink, juice, milk, and there's nothing wrong with her according to the doctor, he always said just make sure you don't let her drink too much sugary drinks or have the bottle going to bed. One thing I've always done is mix her juice with water, so she drinks a watered-down juice, never the full strength, especially since I couldn't get her to drink water often. The doctor said this was ok to do. I still do it. On a regular basis, when before going to sleep, she would drink her juice and she always wanted to lie with it. Because this was a comfort to her and helped me to put her to bed without complaints I let her lie with it. When she falls asleep I take it away from her. The problem was she was still on the bottle, up to the age of two and a half. I couldn’t get her to not drink from the bottle no matter what I did. I anxiously tried everything I could to stop her from using the bottle the minute she turned one year old. Nothing worked. Instead she would cry and cry sometimes when I did it; it would be for a whole night, a long sleepless night with her crying and us not sleeping. It was hard, very hard.
Eventually, she gave up the bottle, because I guess she was ready to. I think I may have mentioned that in one of my blogs before. That was the happiest time for me. A big relief. But I did notice that her teeth weren’t growing in as they should. Her doctor told me she’s going to have problems. I said I knew. I felt bad. Her situation got bad when I moved from NY because I couldn’t find a dentist. There are so many dentists in our area, but it was always a matter of finding the right one. I’ve blogged about that too. So, finally, after a long search, and lots of questions, and changing our dental insurance again, for the third time, to a plan where I should get the best service for my family (it’s more expensive). I’ve finally located a dentist for her whose focus is pediatrics, little kids, and we took her for an appointment this morning and it’s as bad as I feared.
She’s going to have to have surgery. Yes, knock her out and do major mouth work surgery. He said for her safety, since there’s so much to be done, doing it at a hospital is best. So, they’re getting the details together and coordinating with the hospital and we should have an appointment soon, it’s an emergency. (Sigh) So, I have to give her antibiotics and Tylenol for pain if needed until time for the surgery. I feel like such a bad mommy. Such an idiot for not being more resistant to her wanting her bottle all the time.
This didn’t happen with her siblings, why did it have to happen to her? Because I wasn’t conscientious enough, that’s why. It’s going to cost a lot too, the surgery. I’m praying the medical and dental insurance will be able to cover some of it. So far, from the information I received, the cost is all on us. Hopefully that will change. (Sigh)
I told my husband, we have to do it, somehow. And pray that everything goes well and that she will have her normal teeth in eventually. The doctor said her permanents have not been damaged, just the baby ones that should have been there until she is 7. I’m at least glad for that.
God, I can’t tell you how awful I feel.