Behind closed doors

- the mask comes off?

Published on April 8, 2005 By foreverserenity In Blogging

JillUser and someone else recently posted articles about being happy; and about hiding behind a mask. I can't for the life of me remember who (Sugar?)posted the article about the masks (I'm sorry) so no link to that one. That said, those two articles got me thinking so I hope you don’t mind me tagging along on your thoughts, with just a twist. Here's a link to Jill's article: Link

People go through different experiences in life. They have different feelings and react differently to their experiences in life.

Some people are happy all the time. No matter what comes at them they are able to face it, deal with it and continue on, sometimes as if nothing happened.

Some people have their moments; they go through a little bit of funk, like letting the air out of a tire. They feel overwhelmed and anxious and try to deal with the feelings of sadness and discontent. You cry for a while, mope around, feeling sorry for yourself. You just can’t seem to get rid of the funk you’re in. Then suddenly, eventually, you do. It’s like the sun coming out after a rainy day. And you continue with your life having dealt with something that could have been worse but wasn’t because you allowed yourself to experience the moment, learned from it and moved on.

Then there are those whose experiences is like a car crash - they’re so depressed, so far gone that nothing but professional help will save them. Some may even turn to drugs to get them through. And this of course leads to a much bigger problem that they may eventually have to deal with, that of addiction.

Every individual go through different experiences. No two experiences are ever the same. Sometimes people will go through similar experiences, but they more likely will be different and with different outcomes.

Behind the closed doors of people’s lives you as an outsider never know what goes on. You don’t know the trials some people go through. If they are your friend, sometimes they might share these trials with you but sometimes they don’t want to share it because they might not want you to know. Otherwise, you have no idea of the burden some people carry around on their shoulders.

Is it ever ok for people to just be themselves? To just let their true selves show and not hide behind a mask because they’re afraid that someone will not like the real person? Then again, when the real person comes forth, there’s always someone who dislikes them for one reason or another.

There is a saying (in my own words, i.e., not quoting word for word) that you don’t know about another person until you’ve lived in his house (or walk in his shoes). So, until this society stop being judgmental in their actions and attitudes, there will always be a mask; Or until the individual becomes really comfortable with you. And even then, you probably won’t “see” this person. Is this no wonder why some people hide behind the mask of pretence?

Comments

Sugar High Elf

on Apr 08, 2005

Sorry, wasn't me... unless there is another Sugar something (I think there is)

Floozie

on Apr 08, 2005

Ahhhh....

Donna - you are right as always.

One of my closest friends was a heroin addict. Through her ordeal she was raped, prostituted, almost died, broken, thrown away and completely disregarded. Yet no matter how trivial I was in the ribbish that I spieled to her, she always had some sympathy.

Now this fits in with what you were saying about people getting through things and getting on. Her mantra is 'personal realities'. I would complain to her about my family and the shit that I thought that I was going through then realise that she had no family. None. Nothing to tie her to this earth bar herself. And I felt horrible. Yet she could always muster up the courage and feeling to see things through my eyes even though I must have seemed like such a simple case to her. She is the only true case of human compassion in the face of adversity that I have ever seen. She is amazing.

So I think that we all need to have our time. We have things that get us down but the thing that makes the true difference is how we get back up. And I don't judge people on their reaction time, but I think that if you can face something terrible (as I know you have) and be totally positive then it speaks volumes about you.

I've been through my own personal trauma recently, but all I can think about it now is how much I will learn from it. Upwards and onwards, my dear,

Great article. Sorry about the slow response to your email but I'm totally happy that we're back in contact.

Suz xxx

AngelaMarie88

on Apr 10, 2005

Thanks for sharing the article by JillUser, and thanks for your thoughts too. I told Jill that I'm one of those people she doesn't understand; the kind who have to work to be happy, whereas she enjoys a natural happy temperament. I hate naturally happy people. That is, I hate those who are happy and don't understand why not everyone else is too. I've had happy days where I look around and think, wow, everyone looks so glum. Snap out of it! So I know what she means...I would love to be naturally happy all of the time.

You touched on an interesting fact, that people tend to keep their problems to themselves, and put on a facade that everything is fine, just to get through everyday with everyone else who seem just fine too. That's how I live. At times I find it unbearable to hide away, knowing that I'm not solving anything by not dealing with whatever it is that makes my soul ache every day. But it's necessary to put on a mask of "Everything's Fine!" because no one has the time or energy to deal with people who don't have their lives in order. We're expected to take care of these things behind closed doors. I accept that. I certainly know that if we were all 100% open about every aspect of our lives, the good & bad alike, it would add too much for everyone to deal with on top of the normal everyday things that we do. Go to work. Immerse yourself in your work. Keep personal lives out of it. Go home. Rest. Go back to work.

The problem arises when we try to take care of our problems behind closed doors, but can't. Whether we can't find the right person to talk to, or we can't find the right prescription medication to pull us through. Then it messes with functioning as a normal "Everything's Fine" type of person. I know this from experience. I can't work any more. No doctor has told me this, I just can't function as the robot that every work place expects people to be. I'm a human. Not a robot. I have feelings I need to express occasionally. I need to rest occasionally. I can't guarantee that I can be on top of things five days a week, like clockwork. I'm a human. I'm nothing like clockwork.

So I think blogging has become my therapy. I don't have to wear that mask here, and it's OK. No one expects me to be someone I can't be. I can be myself. At least here, people listen from time to time. Or pretend to. That's good therapy. I look forward to a day when blogging can be done holographically, interactively, or beam-me-up-scotty live-in-person. We hide too much behind our computers, and it's sad that we get more done at our boxes than we do face-to-face.

Gosh, I've written so much on your article, I guess I'll have to make this my own article. I'll credit you & Jill & Sugar-whoever. haha

island_gurl12

on Apr 10, 2005

I dont think i wear a mask. I actually wear my heart on my sleeve, and even though i wont tell people what's wrong they'll just see it. I hate it when they keep saying you know you can trust me, talk to me, and whatever else they say. Because its just gonna become another gossip in town the very next day. I'd rather spill it all out here in JU, because it's safe. And i like you guys

only a shadow

on Apr 10, 2005

I don’t think you could be any closer to the truth. People wear masks to protect themselves, and hide. They constantly feel as though they are doing something to upset someone. They feel like their problems just hurt other people…

This leads to the mask… they cover everything up so no one is hurt. Only later do they realize they are hurting themselves.

I wear a mask… but I think it is for the good of everyone I know. I try to be old, happy person I used to be… but underneath it all I am hurting beyond all belief.

No one knows how I feel, but there are a few people that care. But those few people that I do trust and care about still don’t know everything. I don’t want them to know everything; it would hurt them even more.

I have this mask… everything is fine, and that’s what they need to believe.

~Shadows

foreverserenity

on Apr 11, 2005

Sorry, wasn't me... unless there is another Sugar something

MMmmm, I wonder why I thought it was you? I did look back at your articles while writing this and didn't see it, so I guess it wasn't. Thanks for clearing that up though.

So I think that we all need to have our time. We have things that get us down but the thing that makes the true difference is how we get back up.

Suz, that's the key here. It's for us to get back up when we have finished wallowing in our self pity. That's what makes the difference in people's lives. The coming back up is so hard to do and it's what makes us who we are.

I've been through my own personal trauma recently, but all I can think about it now is how much I will learn from it. Upwards and onwards, my dear,Great article. Sorry about the slow response to your email but I'm totally happy that we're back in contact.

I know and I'm glad you're allowing yourself to "feel" the pain and crying out your anguish. I know you'll get there when you're ready. Hey, I'm glad we're back in touch too. Don't worry about it. I know u get caught up.

The problem arises when we try to take care of our problems behind closed doors, but can't. Whether we can't find the right person to talk to, or we can't find the right prescription medication to pull us through. Then it messes with functioning as a normal "Everything's Fine" type of person

This is true Angela. No matter what there has to be an outlet for someone who is feeling some type of anguish. Whether it be talking to someone, writing in a journal (or on a blog!), taking medication - and even then, you still need some other outlet. I know from experience and the experiences of my friends, you HAVE to share your pain with someone. And I guess this is our humane side. You go right ahead Angela, I can't wait to read your thoughts.

I have this mask… everything is fine, and that’s what they need to believe.

You're right Shadow. Some people just don't want to hear your troubles. I mean, whenever someone asks me, how are you? I think to myself, do you really want to know or is that just being polite? And then again, sometimes it's just as well they don't know what's going on because some people don't know how to handle other people's problem nor do they want to.

I wear a mask… but I think it is for the good of everyone I know. I try to be old, happy person I used to be… but underneath it all I am hurting beyond all belief.

I hope you will find someway of removing your mask and deal with your pain. You might be surprise that there is someone waiting for you to do so.

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!