LITTLE JOHNNY
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you
think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you
standing there
all by yourself!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her
face. "Why do you do that, Mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful,"
said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's
the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the
10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the
policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny
asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took
his picture?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his Father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's
legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are
you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I
have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
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I know this one is not supposed to be too funny because of how it ended but I can't help myself...I had to laugh!
Man driving down road ....
Woman driving up same road .
They pass each other ....
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out the window, B I T C H!
Man rounds next curve. Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.
Thought For The Day : If only men would listen.
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If you haven't laughed enough yet, take a look at these (my apologies to all you Blondes out there, if you take offense):
WHICH IS FARTHER
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
talking........and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you
think is farther away..........Florida or the moon? The other blonde
turns and
says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida.......?????
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells
the mechanic it died. After he works! on it for a few
minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks
her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect
me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a
river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the
river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on
the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that
the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing
that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned
on his bullhorn and yelled , "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one
day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first
on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each
other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the
sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, ! "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was
her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on
Science & Nature. Her question was,
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then
asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had
acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names
were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend
said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Hellllllllooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
"