I don’t know about you but sometimes it’s difficult to tell when someone is lying to you. I can tell when my kids are lying, that’s pretty easy. I just give them the “stare” and ask them to repeat what they just said and that usually does it! They break down and confess. They don’t do that too often, lie that is, but they will try to get over on me if they know I will be upset at them. I’ve told them no matter what just tell me the truth and I promise to listen and think about it before I react.
I remember well the little song my siblings and I used to sing each other “Liar, liar, pants on fire”! I think that this song may literally be true. In the case of another grown up, I’ve not experienced too many lies told to my face but there are some really bad liars out there. Would you be able to tell when someone is lying to you? I like to look at people directly in the eyes when we’re having a conversation. I guess if they can’t meet your eyes, this might be a sign of someone who is untrustworthy! Either that or they don’t like you very much!
Tina Kells had some interesting observations in one of her recent articles on About.com. She said you can look at a person’s body language to see if they are lying to you. We actually have a kind of “spidy sense” (her words) because we sometimes get that feeling in our stomach. I usually get that feeling when something is wrong! The clenching of the stomach muscles, and a queasy uneasy feeling that something is just not right!
According to Ms. Kells, here are some more of what to look for to spot a liar:
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“6 Tell Tale Signs that Somebody is Lying
1. Liars fidget. They fidget a lot. They shift their feet, they sway while talking and they gesture awkwardly and inappropriately with their hands. Subconsciously, when we lie we feel on display and this makes some people feel uncomfortable. It is this discomfort that makes one act all fidgety.
2. It’s all in the eyes! Liars don’t like to look you in the eye for too long. Or, conversely if a liar is aware of this fact, they may look you in the eye much longer than social norms dictate. Liars also blink less frequently than the norm, as if they need to keep their eyes open and on you in order to assure themselves that you believe their tale. If a person makes eye contact too little, or too much, they may be lying. At the very least they are not comfortable with the subject of the conversation. Shifty eyes, looking away and looking back quickly and awkwardly, is another sign that somebody may be lying. After all, we call being dishonest “being shifty” for a reason.
3. Liars touch their face and mouth a lot. This is something that most liars can’t control even if they are aware they are doing it. It is a reflexive psychological response to being untruthful, a symbolic way of stopping the lies from coming out. This behavior is most often seen in liars who feel bad about being untruthful or who are being untruthful for so called noble reasons like sparring another hurt feelings or keeping a promise to another to hold a secret in strict confidence.
4. More often than not, liars look down when telling a story. It’s as if they are thinking of what to say next. It is a well known and well studied reflexive psycho-social reaction that people who are truthfully recounting a real event look up when trying to recall the details. They are looking up and mentally picturing the events that they are talking about almost as if they are looking at their brain for answers. Liars look down because they are not remembering but creating a story and they need to look at a blank canvas, like the ground, in order to spin their story and make it convincing. It’s a way of concentrating on what is being said and making it work with what has already been said, in other words convincingly lying.
5. Liars mix up fine details. When a liar spins a lie they make a point of registering the core of what is being said for future use but they often forget the minor credibility building details they’ve incorporated in to their lie. A truthful person is more likely to be consistent in recalling smaller details of an event than a liar because the truth-sayer has the mental picture to pull up and think of when asked a question. A liar lacks this mental picture and therefore has no failsafe way to recall smaller details.
6. People who lie tend to get defensive or they take a defensive posture with others when confronted about the lie, even if they are not actually being accused of lying. When you second-guess a liar they are quick to react in anger in order to put YOU on the defensive and deflect attention from the lie at hand. Even if you ask an innocent question like, “where did it happen again?” or, “can you tell that story over again to Bob?” a liar may get defensive, angry or irritated. In very rare cases, a liar may act like they don’t even know what you are talking about. Inconsistency and a defensive posture combined almost always signal a liar. “
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While being able to look at body language is one factor and hearing someone’s voice is another, what about the people you can’t see, like online for example? As previously happened here on JU, I guess someone’s writing style and what they do say will come out somehow. But some people are so good at lying how can you catch them at it when they do it so well? After all, this is a pretty serious social disorder isn’t it? I guess that’s food for thought.
It’s a good thing not too many of us go around telling lies. Most people who do it are uncomfortable with it and that usually shows in how they behave. It’s a good thing too because that would make you (and me) a bunch of lonely sorry people if we didn't. : )