(You put your word in blank space– i.e., bad, ineffective, non-caring, etc.)
First there’s the kiss, then comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage. When the baby carriage arrives life as you know it is over (i.e., your freedom to move about the world as you so feel; buying luxury items; indulging in your whims). You’re now the proud parents of little Johnny and you’re a parent for life.
As parents, we dedicate all of ourselves to growing our children, making sure that they’re well fed, and healthy, both in mind and body; we make sure that they don’t have nightmares and we’re there to soothe any cuts and bruises and to try to make their lives happy, especially if when you were growing up, your mom and dad couldn’t give you a comfortable life (speaking metaphorically). You just want that for your kid too. And that’s the way it should be, after all, they are your children who you will love endlessly for the rest of your life. But whoever said that’s all there is to it?
Being a parent you love your kids and do everything for them. Finding time for you is next to impossible. You could get a trip to the moon and you won’t be able to go because the kids cannot. And if you do decide to take this trip with daddy, little Johnny will want to know why he can’t come too. He won’t understand that daddy and mommy needs time for themselves too.
When do (a) parent(s) find time for themselves (herself)? It’s next to impossible most times.
But why shouldn’t we find time for ourselves? Why shouldn’t we go on that couples weekend if we so desire? That’s the problem with us parents. We feel that in doing anything to enjoy ourselves without the kids is not a good thing.
Who says they have to be with us all the time? Did someone make those rules? Which book is it written in that on becoming a parent you lose yourself? None really, it just happens that way. And to those of you who are not yet parents reading this, I’m not trying to scare you. This doesn’t mean you should never have kids. They’re the best thing that can happen to a couple if they so choose to have them.
However when you do become a parent, that doesn’t mean that you give up yourself. What is required of you is that you give of yourself to your kids. You love and cherish them and you will do everything in the world for them, as it should be. Being a parent is one of the most joyful things in the world and it is also one of the most painful. There are ups and downs and joys and tears, but the joy so outweighs all the growing pains. That’s why I wouldn’t trade it in for anything in this world.
Being a parent is part of who I am and being a woman is very much me. And having an interest outside of my kids doesn’t mean I don’t love them enough, no, it means I love me just as much. Because if I don’t, then I would be of no use to them. Here I am saying this and my husband and I haven’t done that in a while. But because we can’t get away, mostly because our finances can’t meet that demand at this time, I make sure we do get “our” time. Time away from children to talk; have a beer; immersing ourselves in each other. (The unfortunate thing is I have to be the one to plan these things. but that’s another blog!)
That’s why in being a parent you have to take time for you too. You have to nurture yourself, your spouse, your marriage. In doing so you will be better able to handle all that those little “dumplin heads” (as I affectionately call my kids) throw at you. You are then able to be there for them and they will love you more for it!
There were two very good articles on parenting recently that I thought showed the other sides of being a parent.
One written by Tex:
Link
The other by Tova:
Link