Would you feel comfortable if everything about you HAD (not voluntarily - but by decree) to be reported to your mother?

It is hard to let go, but they are adults, and as such, it is their decision.

You might be able to mitigate that by asking your child to have you as one of the designated contacts in case of an emergency. If I was injured or killed on university property the uni would have to contact my emergency number regardless of who it was. That's not the same for mental problems, but if you can't figure out your adult kid's state of mind then maybe you shouldn't know. I don't mean to be condescending or critical (from what I've read you seem like a great mum) but once someone becomes an adult their mental and physical health become their business. If you want to know about them you have to know how to ask them.

Once they go off to college, they're usually 18, and an adult.  The school actually can't report on health or other issues to you without some signed waiver from your child.  It's a legal issue completely beyond their control.  The only way you can keep tabs on health-specific issues is if they're still getting medical care under your insurance. 

Once you cross that magical boundary of 18, there are numerous legal issues with reporting involuntarily on kids to their parents.  There are too many pitfalls for schools to try and create exception policies.  What if a kid is paying for school on their own?  What if their parents were abusive/overbearing and controlling?  What if the kid simply doesn't want their parents to know? (It's their right as an adult)

Imagine if your child, instead of going to college at 18 moved out and took up a job.  You wouldn't get some magical access to their medical records etc.  Where do you draw the line on when you should no longer be intimately aware of their medical issues?  18?  20?  25?  When they get married?  When they hit middle age?  I know parents never cease to care and worry about their kids, but at what point should the kids be allowed to decide what you know and what you don't know?  At what magical point would it be acceptable for them to have their full right to privacy as an adult?

I can see both sides of this coin.

As a mom I want to know what's going on with my young adult (especially if I'm footing the bill).  But the key word here is adult.  I hope they will want to share those things with me.  If not, well, I respect their privacy (hopefully, I'm not there yet).

I joined the AF at 17.  I was living and working as an adult, depending on no one but myself for support, why should anyone have access to my privacy?

Once they're out of the house, they are doing all kinds of things parents don't know about.  All you can do is hope you raised them well enough to make good choices, or at least smart enough to learn from the bad ones.

 

If the person is an adult, it's their decision.

I don't see where the government should be a nanny for adults.

Many colleges don't actually apply that to all things. My school (UCSB) will report any arrests or criminal violations that they are aware of to parents.

I understand the point everyone is making. I understand that a young person at 18 is considered an adult because they are going off to college and will be making their own decisions. What I dont' understand is, when the child or let me rephrase that, when that adult is in danger, why can't the parents be notified? Why should the university put being afraid of being sued ahead of what is right for the young adult in question, and getting as much help as possible for that person? Because the help that a parent might be able to do something to help the person in need.

I do value and appreciate privacy policies. I do understand why they are needed and that they shouldn't be interfared with. However, in a life and death situation, when nothing else can be done by the university or schools involved, when it comes to young adults, an exeption should be made.

I'm not saying that parents shouldn't let go, they will but they never do and that's a given. As a parent of a child who will soon be out of my home, whenever that maybe, of course it's difficult to let go, and you have to let them make their choices, that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is not knowing that something such as a very serious illness happens to your child and you never find out about it.

And the government policing your child is not what I'm talking about either, it's the adults who are leaders in these situations, being around these young adults should be able to do whatever is necessary to help these students, without repercussion from them breaking a privacy policy.

I can see the two sides of this as well.. looking into the future when my own child will be out in the world. But health issues fall under the HIPAA Act, and therefore out of the hands of Universities and colleges. They CAN'T inform the parents per federal law, and more importantly, most colleges and universities won't know what health or medical issues have befallen a student. Do you really think a student health service notifies the student affairs office or any of the teachers who would be able to contact family or a parent every time a student (i.e. 18 years and above) gets an HIV test? Or gets tested for TB? Student health services are beholden to the same medical laws other medical clinics are held to.

Again, this falls in the realm of how you raised your child. How well you can trust your child. Sorry, but to allow the government to infringe upon that young adult's privacy and life is opening a whole new can of worms and setting precedents for the government to infringe upon anyone's privacy and rights.

As frustrating as it may be for a parent, an adult child does have a legal right to privacy with regard to medical and legal records.

I see them too. As a parent and as an individual who demands and appreciates her rights to privacy. But I'm not talking about invading anyone's privacy.







Perhaps I'm not making myself clear. So I'll answer Whip's questions which might shed a light.





(1) If she becomes seriously ill, I would like to know that she is ill, not when she is dead. I read of a case like this last year, the child/young adult became ill and died while in college, the parents didn't even know the child was ill. It was meningitis which is a common illness that happens to some people when they go off to college.


(2) As in the case of the killer who murdered those innocent people. He obviously had mental health problems, enough so that he was asked to leave a class and not be around others and had a tutor. The tutor was scared, notified the police, and others, but not the parent. Perhaps, the parents could have done something, who knows! No one ever will know. Even they couldn't have, maybe they could have made a difference. So, in the case of mental health issues, yes, I would like to know.


There are guidance counselors and psychologists, and medical professionals on campus for the young people who attend college/university. The teacher whose job it isn't to do their job, wouldn't have to be the one to psychoanalyse anyone.


The government, don't usually make policies in colleges/universities. Although theire are rules and regulations that all schools do go by, their are bylaws that are made by the board of trustees and the governing body of the universities and colleges.


I'm not saying they should be watched and talked on if they smoke and test the waters when it comes to drugs, and sex, never that. It's a personal choice for every individual who does that!

How the individual behaves definately stems from the way how they were grown up, the home they came from, the influences in their lives, regardless. And if they have that, then they know what is right and what is wrong.


Exception should be made in the Privacy Policies in the case of the two examples I gave, and perhaps there already are, that is good. But from the sound of it, not all colleges have this type of exception, as in the case of the university in
Virginia.

What exactly do you propose? I mean do you want colleges to let parents read their emails or something? Unless your relationship is really messed up with your son or daughter, it seems you could just talk to them to see if they're having a problem.

If certain college students are very eager to be independent and protect their privacy now that they're away from home, I personally think it might have to with with having little or no independence or freedom at home. Most of that is just growing up, but I wonder if part has to do with being fed up with overprotective adults that they feel don't respect them. Many kids in high school have their parents monitoring what they do on their computer, with keyloggers and filters and the like. I have no statistics, but that is of course what all the "child safety" experts are advising. Minors of course can't vote, buy r-rated movies and video games (not even talking about obscene ones), or even legally own anything. High schools compared to universities are very oppressive what with zero-tolerance policies and mandatory drug tests and the like. When teenagers are constantly treated like little kids, regardless of their actual level of maturity, it's not surpising they are happy to escape that particular atmosphiree.

So I personally think a better way to know what's going on with your son/daughter is to make sure you have a good relationship with he/her but that means her with respect, as an adult, instead of demanding that you have a "right" to know what they're doing all the time. And of course, in the US at least the legal system recognizes you as an adult at 18. With the exception of extreme circumstances, adults have the right to medical privacy. So if you wanted to change the law I'm guessing you'd want to raise the age of majority or somehow reduce this status for college students, or abolish basic legal concepts like doctor-patient confidentiality. Regardless, you'll have to convince a whole lot of people, and I assure you it would take much more to completely overhaul the US legal system than just writing on a blog.

john07: You wouldn't happen to be a 14 year old, would you?   

ome parents would view experimentation with drugs as a 'life or death' situation, should 20 year old Suzy's mother get a call if she is observed smoking a joint? How about if she's regularly showing up to class hungover from drinking too much the night before? Smoking cigarettes? Dating a known abuser? Driving too fast or not wearing their seatbelt? Coming in for pregnancy and STD testing? Getting arrested for disorderly conduct or shoplifting or indecent exposure?

Obviously, that would mean whenever they did something in bad judgment they would be much less likely to go see a doctor. Of course that's one of the reasons for laws like this.

So if you wanted to change the law I'm guessing you'd want to raise the age of majority or somehow reduce this status for college students, or abolish basic legal concepts like doctor-patient confidentiality. Regardless, you'll have to convince a whole lot of people, and I assure you it would take much more to completely overhaul the US legal system than just writing on a blog.

John, re-read my response. I said under extreme circumstances such as the serius illness of a child. Not to babysit and watch if they smoke pot, or do drugs or have sex. That would be ridiculous and extreme. As a teenager growing up I wanted my own rights and independence, the same way my children want their own rights and independence. I'm not trying to change any laws of the US or anywhere else. All I'm saying is that the privacy policies of most of these universities and colleges should be changed wherein exceptions are made that parents or next of kin are contacted in a life emergency. That's it. Nothing else.